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This is unreal. I remember reading your early drafts and wondering how this would work in 5-pages. There’s so much lore here it felt like it would be a massive challenge to make it work. And yet, it totally does! The list of names is such a clever shorthand way of establishing Jonah and the others without swamping the reader with exposition.
When I first read it, I assumed that Jonah reached through the bars and pulled Rhea close. Still, on a closer read, I agree with Mik and Rebecca that that part could confuse a reader (or, more importantly, the artist) if you’re not establishing that the cells have magical properties of some kind. I also assumed that Marigold had enchanted the prison so that the wizards couldn’t use their magic, but that may need to be established somehow.
The reveal at the end is so crushing. On the last page, I wonder if there’s a room for a close-up of Rhea, after Marigold’s final line, to hammer home that she got what she wanted (to be a master wizard) but that it’s not what she imagined.
Such a great story!
This has a great noir feel, and Mac’s character is super compelling. Her obsession and unraveling mental state really come through.
One thing that could be clearer is whether Mac has an actual supernatural ability to “witness” crimes by touching objects or if she’s spiraling mentally. Maybe there is a way to establish her power earlier with a small clue.
This is great. The characters, especially the chef, seem so real and lived in, and I love including the recipe as a visual device. Your panel descriptions are dense, but you are doing an incredible job packing in a lot of essential details and storytelling elements.
One helpful thing when breaking my story down into panels was remembering that I could only “show” one action at a time. I definitely struggled with that quite a bit. There are a couple of instances where it might be difficult for the artist you are working with to visualize everything happening at once. For example, in panel 2, we’ve got the chef’s hands and some details that might be better served with a close-up (her grip, scars, etc); we also need to see her face and establish that it’s a busy kitchen at the same time.
This is excellent. Kind of a “Monkey’s Paw situation, in the best/worst way possible. Rhea’s aspiration view of magic coming into conflict with cold hard reality is crushing. I’m really excited to see how this turns out.
I love the Chef. She feels so real. Also love how the end works as a “reveal” on multiple levels, not just about the customer but about the kind of person the Chef and is and how her staff feels about her.
I wonder if the Host and the Sous Chef could be combined into one character. Two reasons:
1) It would give you fewer characters to work into your 5 pages.
2) It would allow us to see both sides of how the staff see the Chef from the same character’s perspective (the Host). We see the fear/intimidation factor in the first interaction (Host informs her tough-looking boss about a difficult customer), and then we’d get see to see the “adoration” factor in the final interaction (Chef reveals to Sous Chef why she made the dish).
It works either way. Can’t wait to read more of it.
Great question! The farmer is going to reject the offer pretty quickly, but ultimately he’ll struggle with it, wondering if he made the right choice.
Based on that, I wonder if a better sentence could be: A farmer wrestles with a stranger’s offer to buy his land, hoping to keep the farm in his family for another generation.
Hey all, I’m Nick!
1. Your background with comics
I was very into comics when I was younger, especially comic strips like Calvin & Hobbes, and the Peanuts, and 90s X-Men and Spider-Man comics. Apparently those Saturday morning cartoons were a gateway drug for a few of us! In high school and college I read a lot of “prestige” graphic novels like Watchmen, Maus, Sandman, the Dark Knight, etc. Thanks to the MCU and the Marvel Unlimited app, I read a ton of older Marvel stuff in my 20s and 30s.
In 2020 I was burnout on screen time (weren’t we all?) and decided to switch my comic reading from digital to print. I went to my local comics shop (shoutout Thirdeye Comics!) and I’ve been a weekly fixture ever since. Since then I’ve kept up with a bunch of different titles, started collecting, went to a few conventions…generally just fell back in love with comics.
2. What brought you to this class?
I always really liked creative writing and storytelling in school, but I write a lot professionally and haven’t written much for enjoyment or expression since college. In the last few years I read some books that kind of blew my mind and helped me understand why I love comics (All of the Marvels, Understanding Comics, Supergods). Those books led me to start working on a few story ideas of my own and this class felt like a good next step toward eventually bringing a comic into the world.
3. Your goals for this class
I want to get better at transmogrifying my story ideas and narrative writing into writing for comics. Scripting, pacing, writing for artists, leaning into the visual nature of the medium—all the stuff that makes comics comics!
4. Your favorite comic!
Oof. This is a tough. Probably Watchmen, but that feels like a cop out. My favorite comics in my collection are Alan Moore’s Miracle Man #1 and Dan Slott’s Amazing Spider-Man #801. Spider-Man is my favorite character, so there’s a ton of Spidey stuff I love.
